Why Did I Get Married?

When Tyler Perry's movie came out earlier this year I ran to the theater to see it- not because I'm huge fan of Mr. Perry's (although I do think his accomplishments are phenomenal) nor because I was a big fan of anyone in the cast. I ran out to see it so that I could perhaps gain some understanding of this thing called marriage. Sadly, I wasn't given any insight- no more than I already had, which is not saying much.

I've been married six years and while it seems like a lifetime to me, it's nothing when I think about people who've been married 50 plus years or even my own sister who got married at 18 and has been married 17 years. I guess part of the secret to a long marriage is either marrying the "right" person to begin with or having the fortitude to deal with whatever bullshit comes your way and not give in or give up.

But I wonder what happens when the person you thought was "right" changes in to someone all wrong. Or perhaps you change and that person is no longer what you need. How do you deal with that? Will you constantly be forced to change who you are or suppress your true needs in an effort to make things "work"? And then when children are thrown into the mix-man- I think most of the time couples find themselves trying get along just for the children's sake but meanwhile their (the couple) relationship is suffering.

I think what honestly happens in most marriages is that as men and women we get settled into these roles. The man is supposed to take care of the house, fix the cars, cut the grass, etc. While the woman makes the house a home, decorating, cleaning, cooking, washing, etc. Eventually these roles become very lopsided and one person- usually the woman- is doing WAY more. ESPECIALLY if she works full time AND has a child.

So, then the woman voices her need for some assistance and perhaps because she's fed up with having to pick up dirty socks off the floor everyday, the request may sound more like a complaint. So now she is tagged as a "nagger" (gasp!). Simply because she wants her mate to pick up after himself. And the unraveling begins. . .

Most men talk about wanting an "independent" woman or a woman who is successful or ambitious but I think they also want that same woman to cater to them. You can't have it both ways. Women like that want a man to cater to them. And some of us are so selfish in our relationships that we establish a "quid pro quo" rule. If you do this. . .then I'll do that. Instead of doing something for your mate and not expecting a damn thing in return. I am more than sure there are married couples out there who operate on the no expectations principle but more often than not I'm sure their efforts are reciprocated by their spouse. But there are probably also those unions where one person is doing all the giving and the other is being a selfish receiver.

I started this post because I was beyond PISSED at my husband. And as I washed out a RANCID skillet that he scrambled eggs in on Sunday (yes, today is WEDNESDAY) and buried at the bottom of the sink still full of eggs that stuck to the pan. I began having these thoughts that if I was SINGLE I wouldn't be washing out this stinky ass skillet or having to waste time cleaning up instead of DOING HOMEWORK, which is why I am off on Wednesdays, so that I can catch up on homework and attend class! But instead of finishing two quizzes online and getting ready for my 1:00 class here I am cleaning up because apparently I am the only person in this house that cares whether or not mushrooms start growing up through the floor! And don't even get me started on wiping PEE from the top of the closed toilet lid. I only have one thing to say. When I pee I am 99.99% sure it is going IN the toilet.

ARGH!! There are times when I consider myself extremely blessed to be married and have a family, my health, a home and a decent paying job. And there are other times like today when I wonder "why did I get married" and where would I be in this moment if my time, my life and my future were my own and not tied to another person?

But I am married and I know why I did it: L-O-V-E. I married a great guy and although I want to tie him up and stuff him in a closet sometimes- I do love him. And we've created a great family that we will (God willing ) be adding to pretty soon. So, I will more than likely mention the skillet episode to him. He will more than likely down play it. I will more than likely get mad and keep stressing how disgusting it was. He will more than likely tell me that I need to give it a rest. I will more than likely tell him to go hell. We won't speak for thirty minutes. We'll go have a nice dinner out with my son to wish my husband good luck on the Philadelphia Marathon this weekend. And it will be over.

I guess I probably should just let it go since I am getting a TREAT this weekend. My husband leaves tomorrow morning for Philly (he has relatives there) and won't be back until MONDAY! Woohoo!! Maybe a little taste of "single life" is just what this married girl needs!

I LOVE this song by Anita Baker. . .I thought it was appropriate for this post. No more fairytales! Marriage can be wonderful but it is HARD WORK! I plan on hanging in there for the long haul! :-)