Tagged, Part Deux

It seems I never have time to exercise anymore. Between hectic projects at work, homework, family and social commitments there is just never enough time for ME! So, this week I've been spending thirty minutes a day running around the backyard with my son playing his new favorite game: FREEZE TAG!


I. AM. SO. OUT. OF. SHAPE. Let me tell you just how pathetic I am: I kept making sure to position myself near a patio chair so that at the precise moment he "froze" me I could have something to sit/lean on. Ha ha!

At this moment, the freeze tag game has commenced so, I have to run (literally)! Find a way to incorporate some fun with the kiddo's into your exercise regime too!

Tagged

This is the first time I’ve ever been tagged! Thanks Hunnie!

The Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Tell about SIX unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

Here we go!
1. I have mini-panic attacks when I can’t find my Carmex.
2. I clear off my desk everyday at work. Even if I’m working on something, I stack it up and place it in a drawer out of sight.
3. I’ve just recently started plucking my eyebrows.
4. I leave myself voice mails at work as reminders to do stuff and I always end the reminder with, “Okay, bye”.
5. I don’t really watch t.v. anymore. Don’t know what’s going on on Idol. Never seen an episode of Lost or Desperate Housewives. HOWEVER I am a huge fan of The Game on the CW Network. I. Love. That. Show! The only show I actually watch on television.
6. I'm obsessed with blogs. I can be in the middle of a project at work or doing homework at home and I take a 5, 10 or 30 minute break and just catch up on my favorite blogs.

Because it’s considered RUDE not to play the game if you’re tagged, I happily obliged. However I am not going to tag anyone for two reasons, one being the nature of my blog is more for sharing the parenting experience (or my own personal experience within the framework of parenting) not necessarily to get too personal about ME (there are some things a girl only shares with her therapist). The second reason is because I am such an avid fan of blogs I happen to know just about e’rybody and they mama have been tagged already so, there is really no one for me to get! But this was fun!

Childhood Aspirations

I copied this from the Parents magazine web site. A list of things kids should do before they turn 8. The original list contained 44 items but I picked my favorites. The contributors to the list were various people like Donald Trump, Allan Houston, Maria Shriver, etc. Print out a copy for your child and get started today!

1. Learn to manage your allowance, and think of the best ways to use it.
2. Run in the sprinklers. And make sure at least one of your parents runs with you.
3. Take part in a march for peace. Or something else you believe in.
4. Ride a roller coaster.
5. Play tag in the rain.
6. Watch tadpoles hatch into frogs.
7. Catch and eat your own fish.
8. Learn a bit about astronomy and observe the stars.
9. Attend at least one -- or more -- professional sporting events.
10. Learn how to ride a bike. I'm talking a two-wheeler without training wheels and extra points for gears.
11. Learn Pig Latin
12. Raise money for something or someone you care about.
13. Befriend a kid whom others are making fun of.
14. Realize your parents are just some old kids trying to act grown up.
15. Learn how to pour a bowl of cereal and turn on the TV. (So your parents can sleep an extra 30 minutes on weekends.)
16. Realize that you should never outgrow hugging your parents.
17. Figure out how to tell a joke that doesn't involve poo, pee, or butts.
18 Discover that bleeding owies can make you look tough even though they hurt briefly.
19. Learn to give a good handshake. No bone crushers or limp fish.
20. Hold the door for someone at the mall.
21. Clean up your own room.
22. Learn how to make lemonade -- from real lemons.
23. Break up a fight between two younger children.
24. Start a collection of something. It could be anything -- model cars, baseball cards, sand from different areas.
25. Try at least five different types of food -- Chinese, Greek, Mexican -- you pick the other two. 26. Read a newspaper with a parent.
27. Look through a microscope and a telescope.
28. Help serve or deliver food to the needy on Thanksgiving or Christmas.
29. Hand-write thank-you notes for birthday and holiday gifts.
30. Open a savings account.
31. When greeting an adult, learn to look him in the eye and introduce yourself.
32. Make sure you've had enough piggy-back rides.

Copyright© 2007. from the March 2007 issue of Parents magazine.

March of Dimes

Today was the March of Dimes "March for Babies" in the Houston area (previously known as Walkamerica). The walk raises money to help the March of Dimes improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.

Unfortunately I did not participate in the walk today but all month long I have supported the organization through various initiatives at my job including helping my department construct three themed baskets that we raffled off.

It is such a worthy cause and one close to my heart because I was a premature baby. Please contact the March of Dimes and make a donation today!

Working Mom: An Absolute Oxymoron

I went to a baby shower today. The shower was hosted by an ex-coworker for one of our mutual friends. To say her house was nice is an understatement. It was like one of those houses you see in those neighborhoods in the movies that you think is probably just a set designed especially for the movie.

The house was somewhat palatial, huge pool with a bricked-in adjoining jacuzzi, inside there was granite, crown molding, ceramic tile, hardwood floors and an eclectic mix of furnishings bought in various countries throughout their travels.

I strike up a "oh-my-god-I-haven't-seen-you-in-ages" conversation with the hostess (in her magazine worthy kitchen) and she proceeds to ask me the following:

Hostess "So, how old is your son?"

Me "Four going on forty,"

Hostess "So are you still working?"

Me "Um- yeah,"

Hostess "But not full time, right?"

Me "Um- yeah,"

Then she proceeded to tell me how after the birth of her daughter (Baby Number Two) that she just couldn't keep up with all the demands of a "working mother" so she quit to stay at home full time. She felt like she was missing out on their lives. Her son is four and her daughter is one. Maybe I'm the one missing something.

Let me pause here to say, I am ABSOLUTELY hating on her. . .and not for being a stay at home mom but because she doesn't HAVE to work! That's my dream job- staying at home. . .but I digress.

Anyway, I have to admit there was a time when I thought I wanted to stay at home with my son on a full time basis. But after a six month taste of it, I found it wasn't really for me. Besides the reality is that regardless to if we (as parents) are around or not during those first few years our children will learn to walk, talk and ultimately not to poop on themselves. In my humble opinion the time to stay at home is after they are old enough to stray.

You've never heard of a 2 year old girl getting pregnant, or a 4 year old boy on drugs or a even a 6 year old getting into trouble for stealing a car. I think children need our attention and monitoring the most during adolescence. And ironically this is the time that they are left to their own devices.

I used to carry around this HUGE guilt complex about not staying at home- correction: not being able to stay home (one income around this camp won't cut it unless somebody's income is doubled) with my son and I bought into the notion that I was "letting someone else raise him". My aunt took care of my son for the first two years of his life while I worked and the love and attention she provided to him in ADDITION to what he received from me has had a lasting effect on him. It was at my aunt's house that he first learned to recognize the alphabet, which started him to writing and now reading. If I had it to do all over again even if I wasn't working I would allow him to spend time with his great aunt so that her love and influence could be felt.

Although I struggle with what I want to be when "I grow up", I actually enjoy working outside the home. It gives me a separate identity from being a wife and a mother and I think it helps me be a better mother because I treasure and appreciate every moment with my son. Besides it's because mama works that he is able to say he's traveled to quite a few places in his short lifetime. Being a mother is hard WORK inside or outside the home but having a good support system in place makes all the difference. As the African proverb states, "it takes a village to raise a child".

No More Drama

Okay, I titled this post "No More Drama" because that is what I wish I could have with my arch nemesis. There has been this ongoing struggle between me and this force of nature that wants the freedom to do whatever it wants to do, whenever it wants to do it- yes, I am talking about my HAIR!!!

ARGH!!! I have tried a myriad of options (fried, dyed and laid to the side) and I'm just at my wits end! Split ends would be a more accurate description. Over the years I've been a devout beauty shop patron but time, space and other complications have caused me to become inconsistent. My biggest problem -with life in general- is that I have NO PATIENCE whatsoever. When I go to the salon and my appointment is at 4:00, I expect that no later than 4:07 you are tending to me in some shape, form or fashion. I do not wish to sit for almost an hour listening to you gossip or watch you eat and all the while you're complaining about being behind?!

Serious work ethic issues. . .anyway, I've been doing the "natural" thing lately where I just wash and go, literally. My hair curls up and is reminiscent of Ola Ray! Ha ha!

What I really wish I could do is just cut it all off. . .a mini 'fro would be ideal. But working in the corporate establishment trying to represent the race makes me a little hesitant. I just hope one day me and my hair can call a truce and work together for the good of all mankind.

Hit it India!

T-Ball Thursdays

My son plays Tee Ball on Thursdays at the YMCA. My son plays Tee Ball Thursdays at the YMCA and his dad is responsible for taking him. I use this day and this time for a little "me time". At first I felt guilty because I thought I was missing out on something or that I should be there to support him. After attending one session, I quickly got over it. Most of the kids are running in circles, kicking the dirt or staring into space.

Now I relish my free two hours on Thursdays to read, watch t.v., shop or do whatever I feel the desire to do without one iota of guilt! I'm happy that my husband and son have this bonding time but I'm even happier that Mama has time to relax, relate and release! When my boys return home I'm refreshed and happy to see them. The best part about Tee Ball Thursdays is that they have a post-game ritual where Daddy takes him out to eat so, I don't even have to worry about dinner!

Ah, Thursdays the BEST day of the week!

Almond Cookie

I received a Carol's Daughter Almond Cookie gift box for Christmas and I only recently opened it. . .I know, shame on me! It's a real shame because it turns out I REALLY like the products. The shea souffle is simply divine; very thick and hydrating. The eau de toilette (perfume or body spray) is very crisp and fresh not to mention the scent lasts all day.
(Weird thing is, it doesn't really smell like an almond cookie but I do like it!)

I haven't tried the body cleansing gel but plan on relaxing in a hot tub this weekend!! Be sure to check out the products at Carol's Daughter online or at Sephora stores nationwide.

Happy Earth Day

When you really sit down and think about the dynamic of this planet we inhabit, it is beyond awe inspiring. It is a truly marvelous specimen in the universe surrounded by an atmosphere composed primarily of nitrogen and oxygen, it is the only planet in the universe known to support life. WOW. Be kind to her. Her survival is critical to our survival. Marvin Gaye once wrote a song about it. . .like to sing it? Here it goes:

Oh, mercy mercy me Oh, things ain't what they used to be
No, no Where did all the blue sky go?
Poison is the wind that blows From the north,and south, and east
Oh, mercy mercy me Oh, things ain't what they used to be
No, no Oil wasted on the oceans and upon our seas, Fish full of mercury
Oh, mercy mercy me Oh, things ain't what they used to be
No, no Radiation under ground and in the sky
Animals and birds who live nearby are dying
Oh, mercy mercy me Oh, things ain't what they used to be
What about this overcrowded land How much more abuse from man can she stand?
My sweet Lord My sweet Lord My sweet Lord
(Mercy, Mercy me- The Ecology)

Click HERE to listen. . .

Another Baby. . .Maybe. . .NOT

As my biological clock starts to wind down- I swear from time to time I feel this tingling almost buzzing like feeling in lower region almost like my ovaries are going into shock. When I have these sensations at first I think: maybe I should make a gyno appointment but I also think about the window of opportunity closing on Baby Number Two.

The thing I fear most is that after I have TOTALLY convinced myself that another child is out of the question I will have one of those "late in life" babies in my forties! AGH! Where is the tallest bridge located again??

I think about another baby from time to time (mostly at Christmas, what a cool gift that would be) but for the most part I am totally and completely happy and satisfied being a mother to ONE sweet, smart, super, silly, impish, lovable, adorable, little four year old boy! No matter how long I am allowed to be in his life or have him in mine, I am eternally grateful for this experience but I seriously cannot say that I want to do it again.

I have my reasons. Some of them are a bit selfish some of them not so much. . . but I tell you one thing contrary to all the REASONS people are throwing at me as to WHY I should have another baby I think these are the worse reasons ever:

1. So your child will have a play mate. (He has twelve play mates in his class that he sees every day and he has TEN first cousins plus a step sister who visits every other weekend.)

2. If- God forbid- your child dies then you would at least have another child. (Seriously, someone said this- first of all NO ONE could EVER replace my first born-EVER. Period. But what if- God forbid- BOTH my children died? I mean that has got to be the DUMBEST reason EVER!!!!)

3. When you get older it would be good if your child had a sibling that could help with the responsibility of caring for you. (First of all that is NOT why I gave birth to him- so that I’d have a caregiver in my old age. Second of all, who’s to say I’m even going to need a caregiver. But since that omen has been put out in the universe, I’m going to start saving for my spot on the cruise ship right away!)

4. If you and your husband die together he won’t be left alone. (No worries because we will probably all die together since people are so determined that someone is going die!!!! Seriously, if this were to happen he would be very well provided for and very well loved- NO ONE will ever be able to replace his parents just like no one could ever replace him.)

5. So he won’t suffer from only child syndrome and be so spoiled. (First of all, I refute the notion that he is spoiled. He is four and attached to stuff that belongs to him. I’m 37 and attached to stuff that belongs to me. He is in an environment where he HAS to share and is a part of a social community that involves taking turns and helping out. I have watched his behavior from a far and I am very impressed with this little person who used me as a vessel to get to this world- he is very considerate and kind and if he’s exhibiting those traits at four then I think he might be all right.)

Bottom line, parenting is a lot of HARD WORK and I admire women and families who are able to provide an abundance of love, time and attention to more than one child. I thank my mother for having more than one and I love my sister immensely but I just don't feel the need or desire to expand my own family. And it's not that I doubt my ability to be able to love or handle another child but right now my focus is on trying to equip my son with the tools he needs to navigate this world without me one day. Besides I don’t think I’m depriving him by not having another child, that just means there's more of me to go around.

Autism Awareness

April is National Autism Awareness Month. Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and is the result of a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities.

Autism has been in the spotlight a lot more these days and I'm sure it's the result of several celebrities and other high profile (read: Anglo) individuals coming forth and sharing their stories of raising an autistic child. Hopefully this attention will bring about more funding and research to assist families who are dealing with this issue.


Statistics have shown that black children who suffer from Autism usually receive a delayed diagnosis as compared to their white counterparts. Because black parents often lack resources or knowledge about the disorder they usually accept it when the doctor says "oh, boys are sometimes slower than girls" or "oh, she'll eventually catch up" and unfortunately the real issue is not discovered until they enter the public school system and at this point the child has potentially missed out on years of treatment. Here are some early warning signs, if your child is experiencing any of these issues you may want to have them tested- if your child's doctor does not do much to reassure you- GET A SECOND OPINION:


1.Does your child answer to his/her name? Unless a child has some type of hearing loss they should start responding to the sound of their name within the first few months of life.
2. Was your child talking and has suddenly regressed and is no longer talking?
3. Does your child resist cuddling and holding?
4. Does your child perform repetitive movements, such as rocking, spinning or hand-flapping?
5. Does your child have an unusual sensitivity to light, sounds or touch?
SOURCE: mayoclinic.com


Autism usually affects children during the first few years of life and many are diagnosed before their 4th birthday. If you are the parent of a black child with Autism you might want to consider becoming a part of this online community Autism Concepts.


My thoughts and prayers are with families who must face this challenge every day and I hope that researchers can determine the root cause so, that scientists can potentially prevent or limit the number of future cases as well as continue to effectively treat individuals who are currently diagnosed with the disorder.

So Sweet

Okay, so I'm writing my life story. . .and not because I'm dying. . .not yet anyway. But when I started thinking about it I might not remember half the stuff Ican remember now- later -so, I am gathering my thoughts into a collection of memoirs for my son to read some day. Or maybe for a Lifetime movie . . .I'm weighing all my options. Ha ha! Yes, I am definitely touching on how I came to be so insane.

Anyway, all this reflection (I just finished 1980) got me to thinking and I figured the perfect Flashback Friday was my 1983 theme song. . . NE, baby! Nobody does it better!

Pizza Pizzaz

Here's a weekend meal idea: homemade pizza! Get everyone involved as you prepare this family favorite. It's super easy (trust me I've learned from my mistakes- like making my own dough). All you need is:

1. Refrigerated pizza dough (in the section with the biscuits)


2. Pizza sauce (near the spaghetti sauce)


3. Shredded mozzarella or "pizza" cheese


4. Sliced pepperoni (or cooked crumbled hamburger or chicken or ham- it's up to you!)


5. Optional items include mushrooms, bell pepper, onions, pineapples, etc.


6. Pizza pan or pizza stone

Stretch the dough, spread the sauce, sprinkle the cheese, add the meat and other fixin's. Bake at 350 degrees for 12 to 18 minutes. Viola! You're done. Depending on how many in your household you might need to cook TWO (something else I learned)!

BUON APPETITO!

Power Strangers

We had to redeem 1,000 tickets/coupons from the games at Rocket City Fun Station to get these little "action figures". All five of them probably don't weigh an ounce. Seriously, they are feather light and made from the cheapest plastic ever. The black one obviously came from a bad mold because his left hand is webbed. . .or is that how it's supposed to be? My son has probably seen ONE two minute scene from an episode of the actual Power Rangers show but these are suddenly his new favorite toys.

We spent yesterday evening playing a game: the object was to see who could knock them down by spinning a Matchbox car towards them. Whoever knocked the most down won- The Genius was the victor. I was glad we were able to get through the game without one of those cheap plastic figures crumbling to pieces!

He is just so easy (for the time being, anyway).

The Joys of Boys

Being the lone female in my house on a daily basis has some definite perks and some serious aggravations. It’s no secret that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but it’s very interesting to see the progression of a little Martian in my very own household. I’m finally beginning to understand the term “all boy”. This is such a new experience for me because I grew up in a household headed by a single mother and only had one sister. Sometimes boys are like so, EW! Then other times I feel like I’m the Queen of the Castle (although I’m only ruling over two court jesters :-) ).

I started a list of things I like and things I don’t like (but suffer through anyway).

Dislikes
1. I don’t know if they are aiming with their eyes closed or what but why do boys tend to get more pee on the toilet seat and floor than they do in the actual toilet?!
2. Speaking of toilets- what are you saying that is so important that we must have a conversation while you are ON the toilet?!
3. Shoes, shoes, underwear, and shoes. . .all over the floor! Why!? Why!? Why!?
4. Please learn my “serious” face. Sometimes yall play too much when Mama is NOT playing.
5. Forced belches. I won’t even elaborate.

Likes
1. My safety is their job one. My son was literally on my heels the other day as I moved about the house. I asked why he was following me and he said, “I have to protect you and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Aw. . .I HEART him!
2. They keep my car washed and clean (although it’s a mess right now).
3. They LOVE me so hard and so much!
4. They make me laugh, which I probably need to do more often.
5. They are fearless (or at least they pretend to be). If I hear any little squeak I can push my husband out of the bed to go check things out. And my son, brought me a grasshopper on a stick as a “present”- although that should be on my dislike list, I like the fact that he’s not scared of a grasshopper. Just leave that thing OUTSIDE.

Boys oh, boys! Since we can’t send them back to their home planet, I guess we’ve got to learn to live together in peace.

Fairytale Classics

Today my son and I went to the library after I got off from work. After reading the Little Boy Who Cried Wolf, it occurred to me that my son has not had much exposure to the "classic" fairy tales such as Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs or Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Initially I didn't think it mattered whether or not he read/heard those stories. Instead I focused on buying books and reading stories that had characters who looked like him. I searched high and low to make sure his personal library contained titles written by and illustrated by black authors and illustrators.

But I may have been wrong in my thinking. It seems that in early education curriculum they do refer to the fairytale classics and children are expected to be able to relay the theme and talk about the characters. So, in an effort to ensure my child is well prepared and totally equipped to meet the educational challenges- we are on a mission to read all the fairy tale classics.

Our trip to the library today was more than fruitful. . .I only intended to get the three books I mentioned but we ended up with a lot more plus THREE movies. Did you know you can check out DVD's for FREE at the library and keep them for SEVEN days? I get giddy just thinking about the library, it's truly one of my favorites places. I know, I am such a geek! Thank you :-)

The Eyes Have It

Aging, lack of sleep, stress and heredity have me looking a little racoonish from time to time. Not to mention I have enough extra skin under my eyes to be considered the original Bag Lady. However because I wear glasses I am able to camouflage the madness. . .sometimes. I usually take my glasses off right before I take a photo because the glare on the glasses makes them look a little THICK (such vanity) but when I look at the photos I think I would have been better off leaving the glasses on.

So, I broke down purchased Dr. N.V. Perricone's Advanced Eye Serum from Sephora. I haven't started using it yet but it's supposed to provide amazing results in less than a month. Takes care of puffiness, discoloration, hydration and more. I will provide updates and before and after photos once the miracle takes place!

H-Town Reviews

Rocket City Fun Station- Katy, TX

Although this was 44 miles from my house one way (!)- what can I say, I only have one nephew- this was cool little party spot. If you live in or around the Katy area I highly recommend having your next children's party at this location.

You get a private "pod" for you and your guests to eat and sing Happy Birthday, birthday cake, balloons, goodie bags and each guest gets a $5.00 gaming card. For your entertainment pleasure they have a Tot Zone, bumper cars, air hockey, video games, bowling and ticket redemption. The play/game area is actually quite small in comparison to Incredible Pizza but the thing that would make me go back is the BUFFET! We're not talking just pizza, salad and dessert. Get ready for this. . .

They had four types of salad greens, eight types of salad dressing, potato salad, pasta salad, fried green beans, mozzarella sticks, fried corn, chicken tenders, broccoli bites, pizza (10 varieties), nacho (with ground meat), four kinds of pasta, marinara and Alfredo sauces, lasagna, bread sticks, Salisbury steak, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, grilled chicken, fried chicken, CHEESECAKE, gourmet cookies, applesauce, four types of pudding, fresh fruit, cherry cobbler and peach cobbler (with the most delicious CRUST I've ever tasted!). Not to mention all the soda, lemonade or tea you can drink. Whew! I feel stuffed just talking about it.

Now, I must admit I am NOT a big fan of buffets but the plethora of choices they have and the great quality of the food makes it more than worth the $15 PER person! Did I mention you can eat at the buffet as long as you are in the building?!

Rocket City Fun Station
406 West Grand Parkway South
Katy, Texas 77494

The Greatest Love of All

Here's another Friday Flashback. . .

I know I've been a little hard on the kiddos this week but I still believe they have the power to continue bringing about change in the world just as the generations before them have done. It just breaks my heart when I see their potential being wasted or diminished behind stupid stuff! As parents we have an awesome responsibility- let's continue to teach them well. . .

(Man, I miss this voice!)

For the Love of Money

An actual conversation:

TheGenius: Mama, you never brought me the Tip the Tractor game

Me: When did I say I was buying the Tip the Tractor game?

TheGenius: Well, I asked you to buy it.

Me: You have a million toys that you don't play with.

TheGenius: I don't have a million toys.

Silence

TheGenius: So are you going to buy the Tip the Tractor game?

Me: Save your money and buy it yourself.

I seriously think my son believes money grows on trees. Sometimes in an effort to "expose" and "provide" our children with things (material) that we didn't have growing up, we are unwittingly creating a generation of children who will not appreciate working hard to get the things you want because they know Mama or Daddy will get them whatever their little hearts desire.

I'm trying to squash that nonsense in my household. I told my son he has to EARN his money by helping out around the house. Yes, he reminded me that he was only four and I assured him he wouldn't be four forever. So, there is no time like the present to start learning valuable life lessons. Including the lesson that EVERYTHING costs money. He's been more mindful of asking for things- until after he finds out how much it costs. He still really doesn't have a concept of what's expensive and what's affordable. But he's learning.

I bought him a piggy bank and he saved his birthday money plus the dollar I gave him for helping me clean out my car (all he did was take HIS stuff out of my car). He has a total of $13.32. The Tip the Tractor game costs $15.99 plus tax and shipping (only available through Amazon.com). So, he is well on his way!

Even though I can more than afford to purchase the game for him, I think this is an opportunity for him to learn a valuable lesson not to mention he's so proud of all the "monies" in his bank and he's getting to use his counting and addition skills! There I go trying to sneak in something educational again. :-)

Side Note: He is BEYOND obsessed with Disney Pixar's Cars movie and it's characters. Didn't that movie come out two (or three) years ago?!

Life and Death

After seeing snippets from Randy Pausch’s “last lecture” I started thinking (after I stopped crying) what would I do differently if I knew I only had six months to live?

I think people find it morbid to talk about death especially in the black community it’s almost a taboo subject, which is ridiculous because the fact is we are all going to die- someday. There have been instances within my extended family and even when my mother-in-law passed away- where the lack of a plan for “final arrangements” left the bereaved in a tough spot not only emotionally but also financially because there was no life insurance.

I think we need to not only open up a dialogue about death in our community but in our respective households. Your spouse or someone close to you (if you are not married) should be made of aware of all the life insurance policies you have and contact information for activating those policies upon your death, if you have a checking, savings, 401k or other financial accounts be sure to update your beneficiaries annually, be sure to designate a power of attorney in the event you are injured and cannot make medical or financial decisions for yourself and finally consider pre-arranged funeral options such as paying in advance for a burial plot or casket. Then once you have all that morbid business out of the way, start living your life to the FULLEST each day!

I thank God daily for my health both physical and mental but if I were given a fatal diagnosis with only six months to live I would:

1. Kiss my husband and son even more each day
2. Write my life story- that way when my son is telling his children about me they’ll get the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
3. Start a literacy program at a local inner city school with a plan for it’s continuation for years to come
4. Let my hair go natural
5. Take my son to the Bahamas (because he’s been asking to go)
6. Spend more time with my mother and sister
7. Try to finish at least one fiction story that I’ve started- I would compile the others on a disc (or USB drive) and leave them for my son.

The only thing I would regret is not seeing the wonderful man that I KNOW man son is going to become. But no matter what happens, I thank God for the opportunity of having him in my life now and getting the chance to be his mother for however long I am allowed.


NOTE: ALWAYS HAVE A SEPARATE PERSONAL LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FROM THE POLICY THROUGH YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT! IF YOU LEAVE THAT JOB UNLESS YOU CONVERT THE POLICY YOU NO LONGER HAVE THAT INSURANCE, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY PREMIUMS YOU HAVE PAID. IT IS DIRT CHEAP TO GET A POLICY IF YOU ARE IN GOOD HEALTH AND UNDER AGE 40!!!!!! (Yes, I am yelling!)

Hip Hop Hooray

I grew up on hip hop. Actually I grew up on soul music but I certainly came of age during the time that hip hop was considered groundbreaking, political, ingenious and FRESH! The hip hop I’m referring to is now considered “old school”. I’m talking about legends like Run DMC, Afrika Bambaataa, Kurtis Blow, Sugarhill Gang, Eric B. and Rakim, Salt and Pepa, Kool Moe Dee, Whodini, Doug E. Fresh, Slick Rick, Boogie Down Productions, UTFO, Blacksheep, A Tribe Called Quest, LL Cool J, De La Soul, MC Lyte, MC Shan, NWA, Public Enemy, Jungle Brothers, Brand Nubian, Special Ed, Biz Markie, EPMD, Geto Boyz and the Fat Boys- just to name a few! Back before Will Smith was “Will Smith” the Actor but the goofy Fresh Prince whose rhyming skills were a’ight but his partner Jazzy Jeff’s turntable skills were tight! And back when Queen Latifah was making us feel the Wrath of Her Madness.

But as times changed so did hip hop. It became more violent, sexual and materialistic in nature and while I mourned the death of Tupac and Biggie, I never felt as connected to hip hop as I did back in the day. Now that I am a grown woman and mother I find myself turning away from stations that play the nonsensical “hip hop” of today because I find the lyrics too offensive and I don’t want my son running around the house repeating some of the trash that pollutes the airwaves.

I think there are several parents out there who can relate to my dilemma. How can I consider myself a child of hip hop and NOT want my child listening to the same music? The reason is simple: it’s not the same. And it’s a shame really because it’s a big part of our history and our culture. But there may be hope yet. . . .check out this collaboration just for the kids from some old school greats!

http://babyloveshiphop.com/

Okay, now I can't get the Dino 5 theme song out of my head! "Here come the, here come the Dino 5!"

Little Learner

It's never too early to start your child on the right path with education. The expectations in today's classroom have changed drastically since we were in elementary school. The main focus I'm told is on reading and comprehension. Not only is it important that your child know how to read but they need to be able to answer questions about the theme, setting and characters in the story.

From day one you should not only let your children know how important a good education is but how important it is to YOU as their parent. Congratulate and reward them when they do well in school. Be sure to touch base with their teachers periodically to find out how they are doing. If there are issues the more advanced notice you have the better chance of correcting or mitigating any problems.

My son attends a "daycare", which is the legal name but they provide a Pre-K (A Beka) curriculum and he is really thriving in the environment. He is excited about learning and is always so proud when he gets to bring his folder home on Friday filled with all the work they've done during the week. I give him high fives and let him know that I'm proud of him. I've even purchased workbooks from Wal-Mart and he LOVES doing "homework" and impressing me with his knowledge. He will write a word and when I feign surprise he says, "See, you didn't even know I could spell that word. I'm really smart," Yes, he is!

I'm praying, keeping my fingers crossed and will stay active and involved in his education to help ensure it continues! Besides I'm raising a future doctor who just might discover the cure for cancer!

Out to Eat

Looking for a healthy nutritious meal- that you don't have to cook? Try Blackeyed Pea! My son is a big fan of the mini corn bogs and green beans. I don't know what it is about the green beans at Blackeyed Pea but he eats them like french fries. It must be the garlic. I personally recommend the Southwest Chicken Wraps. Grilled chicken, cheese, avocado, lettuce, and tomato wrapped in a Chipotle flavored tortilla. Did I mention the jalapeno ranch dressing? Delish!

Don't forget at participating Blackeyed Pea restaurants kids eat FREE on Tuesdays. Be sure to call the Blackeyed Pea in your area for restrictions and details.

Unreal

So, I guess I stand corrected. Apparently we do live in a sick, sad society where children (and I use to the term loosely) are capable of ANYTHING. Third graders (8 year-olds) plotting to kidnap and hurt a teacher? Are you serious? Wow. I am really scared for the future. Scared for my son. The question on everyones mind is "where were the parents?!" and I would like to know as well. But I imagine the parents probably had NO CLUE what was going on. Is it a matter of not watching your kids close enough or trusting them too much?

I have known families with both parents in the home, loving mother and father, both working professionals involved in their kids lives (ballet recitals, basketball games, hosting the neighborhood parties, members of the PTA, etc.) parents who tried to lead by example (very Huxtable-esque) and at least one and in some cases two of their children just went astray.

I personally know one family who had four boys and one hung with a gang, ended up in jail and was later murdered another ended up addicted to crack. The other two ended up married professionals with children living in the 'burbs and they never so much as had a parking ticket.

How does that happen?! If all four children received the same parenting, the same love, the same time and attention? I'll tell you my theory: no matter what you do as a parent there comes a time when you cannot be with your children 24 hours a day and all it takes is for your child to be approached by ONE negative influence (a person, place or thing) and for them to make a wrong decision that can change the course of their lives forever.

The main problem I think is the lack of fear. Some children feel they can do whatever they want because there will be no consequences, so they become fearless and do things that they know are wrong. I do not even want to imagine- cannot even fathom the thought or idea of my son becoming a criminal, drug addict or prisoner. I pray for him EVERYDAY! But in the end if that is the path that HE chooses instead of living a life of righteousness, service and grace then how can I be held accountable?

Seriously, if I do EVERYTHING in my power to be a positive influence and instill values and hard work ethic and compassion to others- if I put in this work and he ends up a weak coward and succumbing to the evils of this world I guess my crime is bringing him into this world. But someone please tell me how can you tell in utero what type of life your child will lead? Imagine if they developed that kind of technology. . .

Here's the full article: http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-04-02-ga-students-plot_N.htm

Flashback Friday

Always listen to Mama! Enjoy!
(I love his little dance at the beginning! Go Junior!)

Really?

As the mother of a little boy who will be entering the public school system in about eighteen months I have mixed feelings about the “sexual harassment” policy that some schools have adopted.

I totally understand and support the idea that no child should be put in a position where they feel victimized in any way by another student (or teacher for that matter). I would personally come to the school and deliver a public ass whipping to my son if I thought he was intentionally hurting or harassing another child without provocation (or depending on the situation even with provocation). But I don’t know how I feel about labeling a CHILD (under the age of 10) as a sexual deviant or even insinuating that they have the capacity to harass someone sexually.

I mean do we really live in such a debauched society that our children are capable of sexually violating each other at SIX YEARS OLD?!?

I think early on when inappropriate behavior is identified it definitely needs to be corrected. Regardless to if you are a boy or girl, you should keep your hands to yourself and not “grope” each other. But sometimes in the innocence of childhood play especially with boys I have seen where they tend to do things that will spark a reaction. For example, last night my son kept acting as if he was going to spray me with water because I kept shrieking and telling him not to. . .he thought it was a game because Mommy had not put on her “serious” face yet.

I think in some part due to images they see (whether in person or on t.v.) no matter how innocent, a couple kissing in a commercial for example, they try to emulate those images to get a reaction from the intended. I refuse to believe that a male child in elementary school who swats a female classmate on the behind (which is dead WRONG) is doing it with the intention of trying to “cop a feel”. Again, they need to be pulled aside and told that the behavior is unacceptable because if it’s not corrected early on- then as they get older there will unequivocally be a problem. But I think that if punishment is going to be doled out it should be for “hitting” or even “touching” but when you say “sexual harassment” and essentially treat a child like an adult you are in many ways taking away that child’s innocence and potentially placing deviant thoughts where they never existed.

Here’s what started my rant. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/AsSeenOnGMA/story?id=4585388

Ways to Praise

A parents love, support, guidance and praise goes a long way in a child's life. Here are a few choice words you can use to let your child know how you feel:

1. Way to go!
2. You're special!
3. I'm proud of you!
4. I knew you could do it!
5. Superstar!
6. You're the best!
7. You're awesome!
8. You're a winner!
9. You're spectacular!
10. Fantastic job!
11. Magnificent!
12. Super work!
13. You're growing up!
14. I trust you!
15. Beautiful sharing!
16. You make me happy!
17. You're important!
18. I respect you!
19. You brighten my day!
20. I LOVE YOU!

Reminders

My son is asleep and the fever is gone. He had to get a shot, which he absolutely hates but he sucked it up and cried for a full two minutes. I pray this is over.

This entry will be short and sweet. It's a shameless plug for a book I authored with my husband. It's a book of reminders to our son on his journey to manhood. It's in the same vein as Life's Little Instruction Book but has special instructions for a young black man as he navigates this world.

I have the hardcover version, which is really nice, it's only 85 pages so it's thin but it has a dust jacket cover and will cost you $20. However the paperback pocket book is only $7 it's a bit longer and thicker than the little zodiac books at the grocery store.

I think you'll enjoy it and perhaps find a gem or two to share with your child (or friend or spouse or co-worker, some of the reminders can apply to anyone!). Get your copy here.

Comments Closed

I Love This Job

Dear God,

Forgive me for being a bad mother.

Amen

My son's runny nose from a week ago has turned into a full blown ear infection complete with fever of 105 degrees. He has not been getting any sleep or eating anything substantial or nutritious. He's been surviving on Quench (H-E-B's version of Gatorade full of red dye that's staining his teeth!). My husband and I took him to the doctor and she prescribed an antibiotic for the infection and said to alternate between Children's Motrin and Tylenol for the fever. He was protesting going school this morning but he didn't have a fever and would only say he was sleepy, so we made him go to school. Three hours later the school called and said he had a 103 fever. . .

Talk about a guilt complex.

The thing I have learned about being a parent (in a mere four years) is that raising a child is 50% instinctual and 50% prayer! I remember being very apprehensive when we brought my son home from the hospital after he was born. How would I know when he was hungry? What if he got sick? But almost instantly the mother instincts kicked in and it wasn't long before I was anticipating his needs and we eased into an automatic routine. Not to say there haven't been mistakes along the way because there have been (and there will continue to be mistakes, I'm certain) but I think as a parent when we make mistakes where our children are concerned we feel this tremendous amount of guilt because we feel like we should have known better or that we have failed them in some way.

I think if you give a child a safe and secure environment where they can thrive, instill values, expose them to the various wonders of life and LOVE them HARD even when they disappoint you- then that's about all anyone can expect. The rest will have to be up to them to use the tools you provide as they learn to navigate this world on their own.

There are some days I think I am doing a pretty good job at being a mother and then there are days that I think my son stays up too late at night, he doesn't eat enough vegetables or he needs to sleep in his own bed more often. Then I realize he's four and pretty soon he will be fourteen and he will go to bed earlier because he will be too tired to stay up after being in school all day, he will develop a voracious appetite and start eating everything in sight or he will probably become a hermit and lock himself in his room everyday. So I try to enjoy every single moment of his childhood and not worry so much about what the "experts" say because one day too soon this sweet little boy will be a man and he will have long abandoned my rules and start to live by his own rules.

I must admit my son is quite a gem. He is a very easy going and sensitive Pisces. I never experienced the terrible two's- they were terrific two's!! And he's already very well aware of what's acceptable behavior in and out of public and the consequences of getting it twisted! Yeah, I know just wait until he's a teenager- she says rolling eyes heavenward. My husband and I have certain parenting non-negotiables (no talking back, pay attention in school, always try your best, say please and thank you, don't talk to strangers, no whining, no hitting girls etc.) but we don't sweat the small stuff or implement a bunch of stringent rules because life is just too damn short. And besides our son isn't the only one learning on this journey.

Comments Closed