Working Mom: An Absolute Oxymoron

I went to a baby shower today. The shower was hosted by an ex-coworker for one of our mutual friends. To say her house was nice is an understatement. It was like one of those houses you see in those neighborhoods in the movies that you think is probably just a set designed especially for the movie.

The house was somewhat palatial, huge pool with a bricked-in adjoining jacuzzi, inside there was granite, crown molding, ceramic tile, hardwood floors and an eclectic mix of furnishings bought in various countries throughout their travels.

I strike up a "oh-my-god-I-haven't-seen-you-in-ages" conversation with the hostess (in her magazine worthy kitchen) and she proceeds to ask me the following:

Hostess "So, how old is your son?"

Me "Four going on forty,"

Hostess "So are you still working?"

Me "Um- yeah,"

Hostess "But not full time, right?"

Me "Um- yeah,"

Then she proceeded to tell me how after the birth of her daughter (Baby Number Two) that she just couldn't keep up with all the demands of a "working mother" so she quit to stay at home full time. She felt like she was missing out on their lives. Her son is four and her daughter is one. Maybe I'm the one missing something.

Let me pause here to say, I am ABSOLUTELY hating on her. . .and not for being a stay at home mom but because she doesn't HAVE to work! That's my dream job- staying at home. . .but I digress.

Anyway, I have to admit there was a time when I thought I wanted to stay at home with my son on a full time basis. But after a six month taste of it, I found it wasn't really for me. Besides the reality is that regardless to if we (as parents) are around or not during those first few years our children will learn to walk, talk and ultimately not to poop on themselves. In my humble opinion the time to stay at home is after they are old enough to stray.

You've never heard of a 2 year old girl getting pregnant, or a 4 year old boy on drugs or a even a 6 year old getting into trouble for stealing a car. I think children need our attention and monitoring the most during adolescence. And ironically this is the time that they are left to their own devices.

I used to carry around this HUGE guilt complex about not staying at home- correction: not being able to stay home (one income around this camp won't cut it unless somebody's income is doubled) with my son and I bought into the notion that I was "letting someone else raise him". My aunt took care of my son for the first two years of his life while I worked and the love and attention she provided to him in ADDITION to what he received from me has had a lasting effect on him. It was at my aunt's house that he first learned to recognize the alphabet, which started him to writing and now reading. If I had it to do all over again even if I wasn't working I would allow him to spend time with his great aunt so that her love and influence could be felt.

Although I struggle with what I want to be when "I grow up", I actually enjoy working outside the home. It gives me a separate identity from being a wife and a mother and I think it helps me be a better mother because I treasure and appreciate every moment with my son. Besides it's because mama works that he is able to say he's traveled to quite a few places in his short lifetime. Being a mother is hard WORK inside or outside the home but having a good support system in place makes all the difference. As the African proverb states, "it takes a village to raise a child".