Life's A Beach

I’m back from my weekend getaway in California. My husband and I took my son to the Golden State to get away from the Southern heat, humidity and RAIN this past weekend. We mainly visited beaches on our short journey (Manhattan, Santa Monica & Venice) but we also did the tourist thing and headed to Hollywood Blvd. to check out the stars on the Walk of Fame, took pictures at the Hollywood Vista point (good spot to photograph the Hollywood sign although the drive up Mulholland is treacherous!), and we drove down Rodeo Drive (didn’t see any celebs though). A highlight of the trip was eating at Sizzler! Ha ha! Don’t laugh! That was a big deal in H-Town when I was 16 but the buffets ran them out of town so, it was a bit of a nostalgic trip to get the steak and endless shrimp with the all you can eat salad bar. Reason number 4,576 why I need to go on a diet right now!!!

Anyway, even though the trip was brief it was nice and relaxing and helped me focus even more on what’s important in life. God, family and love. Nothing more, nothing less. I am so grateful for so many things and as I stared out at the majesty of the Pacific ocean I started to compile a list in my head of what I’m most grateful for:

1. Being in God’s favor
2. A husband who adores me
3. The unconditional love of my son
4. My sister (for incessant laughter)
5. Sight
6. Mental health (some days ;-)
7. Physical health
8. Freedom
9. Books
10. Chocolate

Happy Father's Day

Often the contributions father’s make to their children’s lives go unnoticed and uncelebrated. Instead of receiving accolades they receive criticisms. We hear stories about “dead beat” dads all the time who fail to pay child support or father’s who choose not to have any contact with their children. Even worse are stories about father’s abusing and in some extreme cases killing their children. But I am willing to bet the moon (if I owned it) that the number of active, involved, loving, caring father’s far exceed the number of bad father’s we hear about so often.

Studies have shown when children grow up with a father who plays an active role in their lives, they are more confident and have better relationships with their peers. No matter what type of relationship the parents have it should never affect how either interacts with their children because children need the love, affection and attention of both parents.

As someone who grew up in a single parent household raised by a single mother and little contact with my father, I am ECSTATIC that my son has the benefit of his father being active in his life daily. My husband is a wonderful father and this Father’s Day I want to let him know how much he is loved and appreciated. What I love most about his relationship with my son is:

**He can be gentle or stern when he is doling out discipline, depending on what our son needs
**He’s teaching our son to respect and protect me
**He plays with our son and is genuinely engaged
**He reads to our son and changes character voices
**He is able to laugh at himself and it’s okay if our son is amused too
**He’s is always encouraging our son to try his best
**He loves our son unconditionally

And as a result of this dynamic relationship my son thinks his Dad is cooler than Superman. Happy Father’s Day MO!!!

The Answer is the Question

My reason for creating this blog was two-fold: to share my parenting/life experiences and to try and hone my writing skills. I do not purport to know everything or anything for that matter about life or parenting. These are simply my experiences and observations.

However I have made other wildly random observations that led me to write today’s post. Because sometimes you don’t have any answers just all the questions:

1. Why is it when you really don’t want to be bothered with someone they suddenly want to talk to you and ask you all sorts of random things that you could careless about?
2. Why is it in 2008 there are black people who still appear to think being “light skinned” automatically makes someone attractive?
3. Why do men always get caught in lies?
4. Why do people who are abrasive and rude always get their feelings hurt so easily?
5. Why does food that is the unhealthiest for you taste so good?
6. Why do children instantly mock your bad behavior?
7. Why isn’t the rest of the world like children under five who see no “race” (when they are playing everyone is their friend)?
8. Why did Michael Jackson go crazy?
9. Why did Tupac, Biggie, Aaliyah and Left Eye have to die?
10. Why are so-called “Christians” the biggest hypocrites on Earth?
11. Why does your elderly relative still treat you like you’re ten when you’re almost forty with kids of your own?
12. Why does America cater to non-English speaking folks?
13. Why isn’t educating children a top priority in this country?
14. Why do some people buy their children name brand clothing before they can even read?
15. Why do mothers carry around so much guilt?
16. Why do we waste our time, energy and LIFE doing things we really don’t want to do?
17. Why do we set bad examples for our chilren but expect better behavior from them?

I am serioulsy at a loss. . .

The Journey

I recently received an e-mail titled "Life's Laundry List" and it was a list of 45 things to remember as you celebrate growing older. The list was compiled by Regina Brett and served as a reminder to remember what's important as we travel through this thing called Life! Here are a few of my favorites:

• Make peace with your past so that it won't screw up the present


• Don't compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about


• Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks


• Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful


• No one is charge of your happiness except you


• What other people think of you is none of your business


• Don't audit life. Show up and make the best of it now


• Envy is a waste of time you already have all you need


• Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift

Have a Happy Friday and a Happy Life!

Baby Products

I saw these two items on line and had to share. The first is a very cute idea for a baby shower gift- they also have blue for boys. It's something different and the perfect gift for a group to chip in and purchase so, that you can divvy up the $149.50 price tag! But it contains a lot of STUFF:

* A Pink Polka Dotted Moses Basket (baby carrier)

* Original Plush Big Baby Rattle

* Original Plush Little Baby Rattle

* Personalized Pink Infant Cap – 100% cotton

* Personalized White Bib - 100% cotton

* Personalized White Long Sleeve T-shirt -100% cotton

* White Personalized Onesie - 100% cotton

* Pink Personalized Onesie - 100% cotton

* Pink Personalized T-shirt - 100% cotton

* Adorable Pink Knit Infant Socks

* Handprint/Footprint Plaster Kit

* 56 Diapers (1 bag size 1 disposable diapers)

* 5 Baby Wash Cloths* Water Filled Teether

* Plastic Rattle

* Teething Keys

Available at http://www.simplybabystuff.com/

The second item I saw was a line of baby products especially for black babies!!! Check out the site and read the testimonials. Also, check out the Wal-Mart stores in your area to see if the products are available.

Another Year

In ten days I will have another birthday, God willing. I will leave behind an age and a year that I will never get back. As I think about how profound that is. . .that I will never be this age again- EVER. I pause and contemplate, was it a worthwhile year? Did I live enough, do enough, love enough?

Since my last birthday I've:

• Visited the Bahamas, San Francisco, Nashville, Disneyworld and New York
• Lost ten pounds and gained six
• Read twenty books
• Started this blog
• Walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure
• Donated time and money to various charities
• Made peace with my vocation
• Prayed more
• Experienced the death of my biological father
• Taken my son to the library once a month
• Done some home improvements
• Survived strep throat
• Finished three college credit courses
• Published a book!

Wow, I didn't realize I'd experienced so much until I wrote it all down. I think I focus way too much on all the things I want to do and things I haven't done instead of appreciating and celebrating all the things I have done. As I enter this new year of my life, I vow to try to be the best person, wife, mother, sister and friend that I can be and not worry about what others are around me are doing. I vow to start living life at my pace and relish all of the opportunities and encounters that come my way.

I thank God for my health- both mental and physical- the health of my family and for the gift of another year to live on this Earth. No need to make any wishes this year- I've got everything I could ask for plus a lot more that I probably don't deserve and I am extremely grateful!

Here's my theme song for the year ahead!

Childhood Aspirations

I copied this from the Parents magazine web site. A list of things kids should do before they turn 8. The original list contained 44 items but I picked my favorites. The contributors to the list were various people like Donald Trump, Allan Houston, Maria Shriver, etc. Print out a copy for your child and get started today!

1. Learn to manage your allowance, and think of the best ways to use it.
2. Run in the sprinklers. And make sure at least one of your parents runs with you.
3. Take part in a march for peace. Or something else you believe in.
4. Ride a roller coaster.
5. Play tag in the rain.
6. Watch tadpoles hatch into frogs.
7. Catch and eat your own fish.
8. Learn a bit about astronomy and observe the stars.
9. Attend at least one -- or more -- professional sporting events.
10. Learn how to ride a bike. I'm talking a two-wheeler without training wheels and extra points for gears.
11. Learn Pig Latin
12. Raise money for something or someone you care about.
13. Befriend a kid whom others are making fun of.
14. Realize your parents are just some old kids trying to act grown up.
15. Learn how to pour a bowl of cereal and turn on the TV. (So your parents can sleep an extra 30 minutes on weekends.)
16. Realize that you should never outgrow hugging your parents.
17. Figure out how to tell a joke that doesn't involve poo, pee, or butts.
18 Discover that bleeding owies can make you look tough even though they hurt briefly.
19. Learn to give a good handshake. No bone crushers or limp fish.
20. Hold the door for someone at the mall.
21. Clean up your own room.
22. Learn how to make lemonade -- from real lemons.
23. Break up a fight between two younger children.
24. Start a collection of something. It could be anything -- model cars, baseball cards, sand from different areas.
25. Try at least five different types of food -- Chinese, Greek, Mexican -- you pick the other two. 26. Read a newspaper with a parent.
27. Look through a microscope and a telescope.
28. Help serve or deliver food to the needy on Thanksgiving or Christmas.
29. Hand-write thank-you notes for birthday and holiday gifts.
30. Open a savings account.
31. When greeting an adult, learn to look him in the eye and introduce yourself.
32. Make sure you've had enough piggy-back rides.

Copyright© 2007. from the March 2007 issue of Parents magazine.

Another Baby. . .Maybe. . .NOT

As my biological clock starts to wind down- I swear from time to time I feel this tingling almost buzzing like feeling in lower region almost like my ovaries are going into shock. When I have these sensations at first I think: maybe I should make a gyno appointment but I also think about the window of opportunity closing on Baby Number Two.

The thing I fear most is that after I have TOTALLY convinced myself that another child is out of the question I will have one of those "late in life" babies in my forties! AGH! Where is the tallest bridge located again??

I think about another baby from time to time (mostly at Christmas, what a cool gift that would be) but for the most part I am totally and completely happy and satisfied being a mother to ONE sweet, smart, super, silly, impish, lovable, adorable, little four year old boy! No matter how long I am allowed to be in his life or have him in mine, I am eternally grateful for this experience but I seriously cannot say that I want to do it again.

I have my reasons. Some of them are a bit selfish some of them not so much. . . but I tell you one thing contrary to all the REASONS people are throwing at me as to WHY I should have another baby I think these are the worse reasons ever:

1. So your child will have a play mate. (He has twelve play mates in his class that he sees every day and he has TEN first cousins plus a step sister who visits every other weekend.)

2. If- God forbid- your child dies then you would at least have another child. (Seriously, someone said this- first of all NO ONE could EVER replace my first born-EVER. Period. But what if- God forbid- BOTH my children died? I mean that has got to be the DUMBEST reason EVER!!!!)

3. When you get older it would be good if your child had a sibling that could help with the responsibility of caring for you. (First of all that is NOT why I gave birth to him- so that I’d have a caregiver in my old age. Second of all, who’s to say I’m even going to need a caregiver. But since that omen has been put out in the universe, I’m going to start saving for my spot on the cruise ship right away!)

4. If you and your husband die together he won’t be left alone. (No worries because we will probably all die together since people are so determined that someone is going die!!!! Seriously, if this were to happen he would be very well provided for and very well loved- NO ONE will ever be able to replace his parents just like no one could ever replace him.)

5. So he won’t suffer from only child syndrome and be so spoiled. (First of all, I refute the notion that he is spoiled. He is four and attached to stuff that belongs to him. I’m 37 and attached to stuff that belongs to me. He is in an environment where he HAS to share and is a part of a social community that involves taking turns and helping out. I have watched his behavior from a far and I am very impressed with this little person who used me as a vessel to get to this world- he is very considerate and kind and if he’s exhibiting those traits at four then I think he might be all right.)

Bottom line, parenting is a lot of HARD WORK and I admire women and families who are able to provide an abundance of love, time and attention to more than one child. I thank my mother for having more than one and I love my sister immensely but I just don't feel the need or desire to expand my own family. And it's not that I doubt my ability to be able to love or handle another child but right now my focus is on trying to equip my son with the tools he needs to navigate this world without me one day. Besides I don’t think I’m depriving him by not having another child, that just means there's more of me to go around.

The Joys of Boys

Being the lone female in my house on a daily basis has some definite perks and some serious aggravations. It’s no secret that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but it’s very interesting to see the progression of a little Martian in my very own household. I’m finally beginning to understand the term “all boy”. This is such a new experience for me because I grew up in a household headed by a single mother and only had one sister. Sometimes boys are like so, EW! Then other times I feel like I’m the Queen of the Castle (although I’m only ruling over two court jesters :-) ).

I started a list of things I like and things I don’t like (but suffer through anyway).

Dislikes
1. I don’t know if they are aiming with their eyes closed or what but why do boys tend to get more pee on the toilet seat and floor than they do in the actual toilet?!
2. Speaking of toilets- what are you saying that is so important that we must have a conversation while you are ON the toilet?!
3. Shoes, shoes, underwear, and shoes. . .all over the floor! Why!? Why!? Why!?
4. Please learn my “serious” face. Sometimes yall play too much when Mama is NOT playing.
5. Forced belches. I won’t even elaborate.

Likes
1. My safety is their job one. My son was literally on my heels the other day as I moved about the house. I asked why he was following me and he said, “I have to protect you and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Aw. . .I HEART him!
2. They keep my car washed and clean (although it’s a mess right now).
3. They LOVE me so hard and so much!
4. They make me laugh, which I probably need to do more often.
5. They are fearless (or at least they pretend to be). If I hear any little squeak I can push my husband out of the bed to go check things out. And my son, brought me a grasshopper on a stick as a “present”- although that should be on my dislike list, I like the fact that he’s not scared of a grasshopper. Just leave that thing OUTSIDE.

Boys oh, boys! Since we can’t send them back to their home planet, I guess we’ve got to learn to live together in peace.

Life and Death

After seeing snippets from Randy Pausch’s “last lecture” I started thinking (after I stopped crying) what would I do differently if I knew I only had six months to live?

I think people find it morbid to talk about death especially in the black community it’s almost a taboo subject, which is ridiculous because the fact is we are all going to die- someday. There have been instances within my extended family and even when my mother-in-law passed away- where the lack of a plan for “final arrangements” left the bereaved in a tough spot not only emotionally but also financially because there was no life insurance.

I think we need to not only open up a dialogue about death in our community but in our respective households. Your spouse or someone close to you (if you are not married) should be made of aware of all the life insurance policies you have and contact information for activating those policies upon your death, if you have a checking, savings, 401k or other financial accounts be sure to update your beneficiaries annually, be sure to designate a power of attorney in the event you are injured and cannot make medical or financial decisions for yourself and finally consider pre-arranged funeral options such as paying in advance for a burial plot or casket. Then once you have all that morbid business out of the way, start living your life to the FULLEST each day!

I thank God daily for my health both physical and mental but if I were given a fatal diagnosis with only six months to live I would:

1. Kiss my husband and son even more each day
2. Write my life story- that way when my son is telling his children about me they’ll get the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
3. Start a literacy program at a local inner city school with a plan for it’s continuation for years to come
4. Let my hair go natural
5. Take my son to the Bahamas (because he’s been asking to go)
6. Spend more time with my mother and sister
7. Try to finish at least one fiction story that I’ve started- I would compile the others on a disc (or USB drive) and leave them for my son.

The only thing I would regret is not seeing the wonderful man that I KNOW man son is going to become. But no matter what happens, I thank God for the opportunity of having him in my life now and getting the chance to be his mother for however long I am allowed.


NOTE: ALWAYS HAVE A SEPARATE PERSONAL LIFE INSURANCE POLICY FROM THE POLICY THROUGH YOUR PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT! IF YOU LEAVE THAT JOB UNLESS YOU CONVERT THE POLICY YOU NO LONGER HAVE THAT INSURANCE, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY PREMIUMS YOU HAVE PAID. IT IS DIRT CHEAP TO GET A POLICY IF YOU ARE IN GOOD HEALTH AND UNDER AGE 40!!!!!! (Yes, I am yelling!)

Ways to Praise

A parents love, support, guidance and praise goes a long way in a child's life. Here are a few choice words you can use to let your child know how you feel:

1. Way to go!
2. You're special!
3. I'm proud of you!
4. I knew you could do it!
5. Superstar!
6. You're the best!
7. You're awesome!
8. You're a winner!
9. You're spectacular!
10. Fantastic job!
11. Magnificent!
12. Super work!
13. You're growing up!
14. I trust you!
15. Beautiful sharing!
16. You make me happy!
17. You're important!
18. I respect you!
19. You brighten my day!
20. I LOVE YOU!

Been Around the World

I'm baack! Just spent 4 days in New York City and had a blast although it was freezing! Anything below 70 degrees is freezing to me. . .but with the weather in NYC averaging about 45 degrees I'm sure many would agree on my assessment. BRRR!

At least once a year (sometimes more) my family and I take a trip. I think traveling is the best social studies lesson you will ever receive because it not only gives you a chance to see how other people live but you develop (hopefully) a deeper understanding and respect for other cultures, races and religions. We are but one body that inhabits this planet with over 6.6 billion other people. How amazing is that?!

I think it is imperative that we expose our children to the world through travel. Children should leave their communities periodically so that they are made aware of the myriad of options that exists outside of their neighborhood. If they decide to open a store or become a doctor or lawyer in their own neighborhood- that's wonderful- but they should know they can pursue an education or occupation ANYWHERE in the world! There are seven continents, fifty states and hundred of countries and they are only limited by their lack of knowledge.

Even if you drive to the next city or state you should make a point to not only take your children on a trip (at least annually) but give them some background on the destination or show them where it's located on a map. I always try to combine fun and learning! Here are some places I recommend:

1. Houston, TX (Space Center, Children's Museum, Kemah Boardwalk)
2. San Diego, California (world famous San Diego zoo, Legoland, FREE beaches)
3. Orlando, Florida (all things Disney, Universal Studios)
4. Ocho Rios, Jamaica (Beaches Sesame Street resort)
5. San Antonio, Texas (Sea World, Fiesta Texas, Riverwalk)
6. Washington D.C. (White House, Jefferson & Lincoln Memorial, National Zoo, Museum of American History)
7. Langhorne, PA (Sesame Place)
8. Chicago, IL (Navy Pier, Millennium Park, Magnificent Mile, Wrigley Field)
9. Myrtle Beach, SC (Broadway at Beach, MagiQuest, Ripley's Aqaurium)
10. Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming/Montana/Idaho (Yellowstone)

Also, think outside of the box when it comes to arriving at your destination. How about a bus or train ride? Or a cruise? Just get out there and travel! Start planning and saving today! The more places you go, the more you'll learn and the more you'll know! Don't rely on second hand knowledge about the world- experience it yourself!

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Lessons Learned

It's Good Friday! Thank you to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit for the multitude of blessings I receive daily!

I count my son among those blessings and you can thank him for these priceless gems. These are words straight from his 4 year old mouth, to my ears, to this page, for your eyes. Words to live by:

1. If you count from 20 backwards real slow the hiccups will go away.
2. If you always forget stuff that means you’re getting old.
3. If you are 37 years old you should not be asking a 4 year old how to do stuff.
4. Don’t say yes to something unless you’re "askolutely" sure about it.
5. If you put worms in a bucket and then cover them up with dirt and leave them on the porch- they will crawl out of the dirt and the bucket.
6. Somebody is only "bad" if they are not your friend.
7. Sometimes when you don’t want to talk to people (or even look at them) you might be shy.
8. If you hurt yourself and somebody kisses it, it will feel better.
9. Never say can’t- always try.
10. When your tummy hurts that means you have to go poop.

Tip- The Genius was sick last night (still recovering). He had a 101.9 fever. I find a teaspoon of Children's Motrin and a Popsicle is the best cure for his fever. His temperature was down to 99 in about twenty minutes.

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